I think we can all agree with that. Why is it a mistake? In my opinion, it lowers your value. I talked about this in the friends with benefits episode.
In that episode, I talked about value. Men are hardwired to hunt for women. Of course, we want to hunt the woman who is the highest value target. Men always want the woman who is the bigger and better deal. Maybe the way she looks does matter. If he sees a woman who is a bigger and better deal than the current deal he has right now, he is going to be interested in that deal.
Men are just hardwired to hunt.
My game plan for you, Maggie, revolves specifically around becoming a bigger and better deal for him. You become a better deal that he cannot find anywhere else. It just so happens that being a bigger and better deal coincides with leaving him wanting more and being a higher value girl than anyone in his life right now.
Before I get into the game plan, I want to mention something that might be a little alarming with your ex-boyfriend. After the breakup, he found a new girl. They go on the rebound. The way you structured the question made it seem that the two of you hooked up with each other while he was dating this other girl. I may be completely off base. He may have broken up with the new girl first and then hooked up with you. This is alarming to me because it means he cheated on his current girlfriend. I know you want him back, Maggie. You are laser focused on that one goal.
You want him back. That thought is not going to go away. You may not be able to deal with that emotionally. The fear of that happening to you, of him finding a bigger and better deal and cheating on you, is going to remain. I would say to proceed with caution, Maggie. Really think this through if you want him back or not. I may be completely off base here.
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Understand that this is a risk you potentially may face in the future if you do get him back. I wanted to throw that out there for you, Maggie. Hopefully, that will help you make your decision. My game plan is going to be centered around becoming a bigger and better deal than anything out there.
You made a mistake by hooking up with him. You lost your value and you did not leave him wanting more. You gave up the whole cake. Rather than just giving him a small slice of the cake, you gave him the whole cake. You lose your value that way. Right now, your top priority is getting your value back.
In order to do that, you do need to go into the no contact rule. Let him run back to that girl. It seems like, at least at one point, you were the bigger and better deal for him. Again, I gave you my disclaimer with my thoughts on that.
I Hooked Up With My Ex Now What?
So what if he runs back to that other girl? Have more confidence in yourself and your abilities to influence him. You can get him to leave that girl.
You can get him to come back to you. What I will say is, if you have confidence in yourself, your chances of that happening will increase. Go right back into no contact. After the no contact rule, I want you to flirt with him the exact same way that you flirted with him before that made you hook up with him. There will be one difference this time. You are not going to hook up with him.
You are showing him the entire cake.
Why Hooking Up With Your Ex Is Really A Dumb Idea
You need to understand that this will make him mad, but it will also raise your value. At this point, when he does come back wanting more cake, friend zone him. I talked about this in the friend zone episode. I will link to that in the show notes of this episode. Then you can listen to that and understand how to friend zone a guy. After the friend zone, I want you to lay down the law. After the friend zone, you will be enough value for him. You will be the bigger and better deal.
That was Episode You leave him wanting more. He will come back for more, most likely. There is something powerful in doing that. We will never be together. I think the number one mistake women make when they try to get their exes back is that they do so from a position of weakness. What I just explained to you with this game plan is how to get him back from a position of power. I have no problem walking away from this. I am higher value. I am so confident in myself that I can find someone way better than you. You should be begging me to take you back.
Then we will never be together.
Then go into a mini no contact rule for seven days. Repeat this process over and over again. You will always have him on your hook. He will always be left wanting more. He will always want you, Maggie.
138 thoughts on “EBR 018: I Hooked Up With My Ex… Now What?”
That is what you need to do. You need to accomplish this if you want him back.
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Again, I always want you to keep in mind that, if he did cheat on his new girlfriend with you, that may make you happy that you got him to cheat on his girlfriend. That is a big assumption. If you want to learn more about how you can get your ex back from a position of strength as opposed to weakness, please check out my website, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. Maggie, this will end the game plan for you and the episode. If you have not subscribed or left a review on iTunes for this podcast, please do so.
Just leave an honest one. Tell me what you think. We need those reviews to continue to thrive on iTunes. Quite frankly, we are not doing what I hoped to be doing. I need the listeners here at Ex-Boyfriend Recovery to please help this podcast so that I can continue doing it. I hope you have a good week.
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- 54 thoughts on “My Ex Boyfriend And I Still Hook Up (How Can I Get Him To Commit)”.
My ex and I have been texting and we actually had a fun date tonight. I pulled away from him before he kissed me and teased me a bit but then he pulled me in and kissed me.
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