Aspergers and dating reddit


Welcome to Reddit,

Just have to let things happen. My boyfriend isn't romantic in the physical way at all but he is genuine.

I love him with all my heart. To me, he's perfect. You'll find someone, just be patient.


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I think relationships in general have to be handled or learnt a bit differently when you have Asperger's, yes. However, there's a lot of it especially in what concerns romantic relationships and what you find attractive and how long it takes to develop said attractions that boils down to a bunch of personality traits that have little to do with Asperger's. One could say it's all interconnected so it's hard to draw a line; that's a reasonable argument. So even if I wouldn't have Asperger's I might have trouble with this.

Now I only have a name for why I am this way. This is a good lecture about love. I'm going to start this post with disclaimer I'm 26 and not your normal aspie I'm extroverted which helps but hinders a bit with social interaction. I have anxiety as well go in me right? I've found going up that the best piece of advice is a cliche be your self. I've found it is best to only try to entertained yourself it doesn't matter if you entertain other people because you don't have live with other people you only have to live yourself.

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I hope that helps. I dated a series of men when I was I had 5 "boyfriends," each one lasting no longer than 2 months. I haven't dated in four years, but I am lonely. Part of the problem was that I am mostly attracted to women and was trying to force myself to be with men. So stopping dating men helped. But I still haven't dated any women. A little less than a year ago, I came out of the closet and realized that I am very attractive to gay women.

I am actually a transgender man, because I can't do anything the easy way, but lesbian is close enough for now. Once or twice a month, I go out to gay bars and start drinking. I wait until someone approaches me, and then we do whatever she wants. It's not really a perfect system. If no one approaches me, I just go home. Or if someone buys me a drink, but I'm not attracted to them, then I just leave. And I've never gone home with anyone.

People have invited me to leave with them before, but I just get scared and run away. It was helpful in a few ways. I learned what kind of women I'm interested in, and what I'm interested in doing with them. But I'm still likely to get overly anxious and just "turtle" go into my shell. I still go out, and if an attractive girl approaches me and wants to fool around, I will, but I don't really go looking for it anymore.

I just like being around people, and the alcohol makes me less anxious and awkward. So that's how I hook up with people. As for long-term romantic relationships, I have no idea how to do that. It's never happened for me and I have no idea where to begin. I can't get it either. I'm not asexual but the thing I crave is being appreciated. Like have someone I can surprise with a gift or take care of when she gets sick.

I can only associate with smart, kind people and I feel hopeless at times because if I was most interested in looks I'd at least know whom to go for, but I have to get super stressed out just to find out if she's even respectable. Relationships are so easy for NTs it seems. If I encounter a problem in a relationship I'll sort of think how close we can get by working on it, whereas she just thinks to find someone else.

The aspergers getting hooked on thoughts sucks so bad when it replays breakups and rejections when I'm trying to sleep. This is how I know being gay isn't a choice. If I could be gay with my friend I would, but women are only attractive to me. Reminds me I'm just totally powerless against pheromones and chemicals and shit. Also my paranoia makes it really hard to trust people. This subject is my weak point to say the least. I have many failed relationships, only one lasting a year. A couple were even turning abusive. Thankfully I got out before it got bad.

I will save those stories for another day. Flirting takes practice and learning to recognize when you are being hit on can be difficult but can be done! Casual dating is fun and a good way to learn, in my opinion. It is hard to find someone to is willing to not go straight to the bedroom after date 2. Thank you ever-changing social expectations. Finding someone who is compatible in personality, chemistry, and has similar morals is challenging, but after a while, you know what to look for and be able to steer clear of people who are not worth the energy on.

You can do it but NT's have a different set of habits and understandings. So it's hard to communicate.

I would go read Asperger's syndrome in long term relationships to have a better idea of what's it's like for a NT to date someone with aspergers. And maybe just go out and meet people. She told me she was on the spectrum after about ten minutes into our date when we started talking about our mutual dislike for crowds. I start to notice that she's really nervous so I complimented her on how nicely she was dressed and that I liked her glasses I thought that might make her feel a bit more at ease.

Romantic relationships : aspergers

She kind of just laughed anxiously and said thank you. We talk for a bit and I think things are going pretty well. She seems to relax a little. I grab a refill on my coffee and am hoping to maybe go walk around or something afterwards. We chat a bit more, she made me laugh and I touched her shoulder just playfully like you would with a friend not like groping her or putting my arm totally around her.

She kind of jumped a bit and got visibly anxious after. She excused herself to the restroom came back and very nervously was like: It was nice to meet you.. Can anybody here who knows more about Asperger's syndrome tell me if I fucked up really badly? She may have had a great time but she may have gotten overstimulated. Just pick somewhere less stimulating. Ask for specific advice from people more functional than I am in this thread for said occurrence. Sorry if it is unhelpful, my perspective is the only one I have.

The biggest thing is you need to respect the sentimentality of autis. If they say to not touch their hair, do not do it. However if they let you, realize how important that action is. By dropping a barrier, an auti is willing to experience a painful experience to show their care and affection for you. It's a self sacrifice in a way. You need to understand the gravity of the situation and reciprocate these actions with your words or your silence.

Second, especially for touching I've found this is a major issue in auti-nt couples , ask how you should touch them after you ask if you can touch them. Autis need different things at different times, sometimes we need a hard hug with pressure, other times we need featherlight warmth.


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  6. Autis have an incredibly hard time regulating their own boundaries and strength this is why autis sometimes have iron grips or are clumsy so we have to outsource it. By opening that communication channel you're going to make your SO a lot more comfortable.

    I have been married for a while and one thing is be honest. We can handle it. Then one day she told me how frustrating it was. I felt awful because it never occurred to me that it wouldn't be interesting to her. Be very very clear in your communication.

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